The Greek Economy

The Greek economic woes,
Are worse than the ECB knows,
With expanding inflation,*
And a rioting nation,
A default is what we suppose!



*Denotes the knowledge on behalf of the author that the main inflationary pressure is not monetary but fiscal (raised austerity VAT).

Limerick Letter #2

Dear Member of Parliament X,

You keep having scandalous sex,

I just wouldn’t mind,

But you leave me behind!

Love, Your Wife (Soon to be ex…)

Limerick Letter #1

Dear Vicar, I’ve no faith in God,
For the concept’s exceedingly odd.
An omnipotent deity,

Who hides from the laity?

Signed, An existentially miserable sod.

Brave Little Edward

Brave little Edward died today,

As he cheered for the first of May,

His heart, it burst, from too much joy,

Like a broken spring in a wind-up toy.

Anticipating a Hangover

Drink mocks me tonight.

Yet I was so controlled.

The sun will bring pain.

Young Lucy

Young Lucy attended a school,

So she wouldn't be thought of a fool,

But so stupid was she,

She failed her degree,

Though at least now she doesn't drool...

Tonight

Your lips like cherries.

A long slow mischievous grin.

What promise awaits?

The Ides of March

Fear the Ides of March.

Cloaked in Superstition.

They bring doom each year.

Toast

I eat my toast with butter,

Far better that than dry,

And others who may mutter,

I tell them not to pry.

The Stage

The stage cried to the darkness,

“Oh, whither is the show,

There was a pretty ballerina,

That I did come to know,

The feeling of her footfalls,

The light upon her hair,

The grace of every movement,

For she was very fair.”

The darkness chuckled at the stage,

“She is long gone,” he said,

“Performing in some other shows,

On other stages does she tread,

Forget her and forget her show,

For others will perform,

King Lear is next, just think of it,

You host a powerful storm!”

“I'm sorry my friend,” the stage replied,

“But I no longer like that play,

And still I wish my ballerina,

Had never gone away...”

The Goblin King

The Goblin King sits on his throne,

Whipping his slaves as they moan and groan,

Wine he quaffs from a human skull,

(Hopefully it was from someone dull),

He sucks on snails and he chews on slugs,

By his hand is a turtle shell full of bugs,

He smacks and belches, burps with a fart,

Even chews his food with his lips far apart,

A despicable creature, this loathsome beast,

He eats five children in a single feast.

The Goblin Gang

Many Goblins stalk the Earth,

Frightening children for all they're worth,

Creeping near them in the dark,

Frightening them with howl and bark,

Grotesque they look, both short and fat,

With greasy hair like a kitchen mat,

Warts and pimples cover their skin,

With a stench far worse than a rubbish bin,

Their laugh is high and long and wild,

In the dark it frightens many a child,

Their mouths are twisted in a constant sneer,

A contemptuous grin for inspiring fear,

At night they seek to capture you,

Each member of this hellish crew,

There's Tumblebum, with fearsome claws,

And a mournful cry like an old jackdaw's,

Applerot has quite the smell,

In laundry baskets does she dwell,

Old Black-eyed-Bill with eyes of jet,

He will cover you in a hempen net,

Rapierlad has a long sharp sword,

And ties up children with a woven cord,

But worst of all is Tom-Tuck-Pack,

Who gathers up children in a hessian sack,

Many more are in this Goblin band,

Who whisk off children to the Goblin land,

The Goblin land that's far below,

And we above can never know,

What ever happens to the kids they bring,

No one knows that but the Goblin King...

Beer Haiku #1

Beer is always good.

Ale soothes all my cares away.

Until I wake up.

A Cat's Life Part #3

This window ledge is narrow,

It really is quite hard,

Still, it lets me watch that sparrow,

Feeding boldly in my yard.

A Cat's Life Part #2

My servant is a person,

Whose service is a blight,

And though it couldn't worsen,

He keeps me warm at night.

A Cat's Life Part #1

Ponder the twitch of a tail,

The way it snakes and flaps,

It must be caught without fail,

Between each one of my naps.

The Oboe

The oboe sounds like a loon,

Singing its song to the moon,

It keeps perfect time,

With good tone, in its prime,

What a shame that it's never in tune...

Drunken Philosophy

A drunken young blond girl named Pam,

Has failed her final exam,

For she wrote on Descartes,

Instead of on Sartre,

I drink therefore I am!

Obesity

There once was a man so obese,

His circumference just couldn't increase,

But he kept eating creams,

'Til he burst at the seams,

And was cleaned up piece by piece.

Debating Haiku

A little something for my friends who debate.  Apologies for the foul language...


We spoke well all day.
We made it to a break room.
Where's the damn tab?

A Penguin Named Phil

There was a funny old thing about a penguin named Phil,

Of small silver fishes he could never eat his fill,

He had them for breakfast, elevenses, and lunch,

And even for dinner, tea, supper, and brunch,

'Til one day he found to his deepest dismay,

There were no more fishes to be caught in the bay!

Coffee Haiku #1

Coffee wakes me up.

A rich scent to start the day.

Bitter aftertaste.

Cat Limerick #2

My cat stretches out by the fire,

With a shamelessness I quite admire,

For he never must work,

In life, what a perk!

Yet those twelve hour naps make him tire...

Childhood

The problem with being a child,

Is you're assumed to be sweet and mild,

When in actual fact,

You lack all tact,

And tend towards the wild.

University

A University, you see,

Has never been what it ought to be,

It ought to be a place of thought,

Where serious students are nurtured and taught,

Instead it is a place to get drunk,

And wake up in someone else's bunk!

Dave and Carol

Dave and Carol lived down the street,

And their whole life was prim and neat,

Their marriage went without a fuss,

'Til Dave pushed Carol under a bus.

Cat Limerick #1

The feline with consummate ease,

Leaps from the ground to my knees,

He kneads and he claws,

With his delicate paws,

Before walking away a tease!